Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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