she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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