i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
