You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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