How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
