people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
