the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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