8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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