Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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