I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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