dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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