I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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