whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
