Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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