I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
as a side note pls kill me
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
