Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
