dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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