so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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