I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
