Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
