I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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