She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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