Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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