Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
