I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
