he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
