I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
