Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sorry my hands just texted you
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
