At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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