I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
