so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
