idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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