I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
