i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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