have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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