I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize