There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
