It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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