Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
