I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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