I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
