my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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