Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
