Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
