I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
