I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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