waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
