Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
