You don't have asthma, your pregnant
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
