we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
