Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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