my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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