he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
