Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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