Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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