yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
