I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize
