whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
