She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
