Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
