the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
