For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize