So gin and wine won't be happening again
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
