I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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