you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
