Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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