you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
