Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
