There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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