I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
