Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
