also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
