does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
