He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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