I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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