I think I died a long time ago.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
