I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
