Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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