i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed š
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money canāt buy
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He sang the chorus to āInside of youā by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldnāt even be mad, that probably took talent
Of course heās dumb. Heās got a 9 inch dick! Thereās not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. Itās science
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