I can text with my tongue
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
