the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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