i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
do herpes really smell.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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