hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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