You work out of a Hotel?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
