I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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