matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
