Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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