are you still at the devil's house?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
