What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
