I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
