its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
