i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
