living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
