Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
