Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
