don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
