Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
