Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
