90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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