didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
