I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I would fuck him just for his dog
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
