I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
pray to the hookup gods
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
