he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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