i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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