you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
