when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
