oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
NoShamevember. You game?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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