I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
