Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Drunk is not a location!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
