Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
