wakey wakey hands off snakey
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
