well I can't set my house on fire every night
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
