A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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