Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
