Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize